Thursday, 16 June 2016

Cognitive behavioural therapy

It's been so long since I've posted. I've graduated from college, changed very many jobs, suffered massive emotional setbacks.I now have a somewhat stable job, I'm undergoing CBT from a very good therapist in a great healthcare facility. And it is helping me heal well. My greatest problem at this point in my life is speaking in groups. I experince massive blocks in those situations. I can manage one on one conversations up to a certain extent. There's been a drastic improvement in my emotional state, how I see myself and various other issues in life. Although my fluency is pretty much the same. But I'm afraid to be too optimistic. I don't wanna jinx the little progress that I've made. The goal given by my therapist this week is to focus on speaking to a single person in a group and blur out and ignore the rest of the people standing around. I'm gonna try. CBT involves identifying and then replacing faulty thoughts that cause harmful anxiety. In my opinion it's very helpful. I prefer it over speech therapy, i think that sucks. What do you think? Comment...

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

CBT for stuttering: A Powerful Tool

OK....i'v tried it all,,read it all,,know it all,,basically i know everything there is to know about stuttering,its causes ,'treatments' available in the market,,,etc,,and i want to categorically state here that i'v found the most effective,powerful and life changing 'therapy' for adult stuttering.
It's what the psychologist call as Cognitive behavioral therapy.In fact ,the name gives it away,this psychotherapy technique can be effectively used in attacking the stuttering monster ,that is inside us, where it the most,,yes you guessed it right,,the damn ICEBERG..!!!
All these years i was looking for escape technique which target only the tip of the iceberg i.e the overt or observable signs of stuttering,,which means the speech defect itself..
But these 'techniques' do nothing to target the feelings,attitudes and false beliefs (THE ICEBERG) associated with stuttering that have made a comfortable home in our hearts..

CBT for stuttering is only meant for those individuals whose goal is not perfection,,but whose goals are to improve their quality of life(QOL),to be confident in daily life situations,to stop the avoidance practices and to live life in the moment..

CBT helps the stutterer question how he can be so sure that it is a terrible thing if others here him stutter..and helps to reframe or restructure the beliefs..
It is best to approach a qualified psychologist ,,but the option of online CBT is also avalaible....
Trust me ,,,i have noticed much improvement in my speech,mood and self esteem since i'v taken CBT,,but there are still 'miles to go before i sleep'....

Here is a useful link i came across for stutterers suffering form social anxiety...
http://www.stammering.org/research_asrc.html

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Disabled and depressed..:((

Dear reader,,the following is the reality of my life,,which i hate to admit and hesitatingly accept.
i'm a grown 20 yr old,,who cannot do the basic things in life like speaking my name,,my college's name,,interact ,,or to start or hold a conversation,,,i'm a guy who stutters....that's why im lonely and depressed....
Living with stuttering and social phobia is not easy and i wud'nt wish this life for anybody....
But one things for sure,,it is only me who has the power to turn things around,,to be more confident around people,,to accept my stuttering,,,and to be what i want to be...

But it is getting increasingly difficult to stay motivated becuz every stuttering episode destroys my confidence and my self esteem...its like a bullet wound that really hurts but doesnt really kill you.......every time i stutter ..negative thoughts and self doubt enter my mind...and i begin to question if i'm even capable of liveing and coping with the daily stresses of life....

With that being said ,,i'v finally started exercising,,,,just a little aerobics,,,,and i plan to practice progressive muscle relaxation technique in the park in the morning soon....becuz its a moderate panic provoking situation for me.....
Hope the progress made recently is no undone by stuttering....and i continue to gain confidence and raise my self esteem.....so wish me luck dear reader and GOD....:)))))).....:D

"The only thing standing between you and who you want to be is you."

Thursday, 6 October 2011

STEVE JOBS R.I.P

You revolutionized the world of technology and business...symbolized knowledge in motion...captured the imagination of the world....and taught us to follow our dreams and work hard to transform them into reality.....and that nothing is impossible....
You will be missed and remembered for a long time.....

Sunday, 2 October 2011

my favourite tv show of all time..!!

I have a lot of favourites when it comes to tv shows,,like friends,bold and the beautiful,two n a half men,how i met ur mother etc,,,,but according to me ,,the bestest series of all time is none other than DEXTER.I am so fascinated by the its theme,characters and storyline and i just love it.
I find that,except for the serial killing business,i'm similar to dexter,since i'm a stutterer,and a social phobic,i too have no clue as to how i should behave in certain situations or what the hell to say to people,,in order to effectively hide my embarrassing and humiliating defects.

I find it absolutely amazing how he can cope easily in all the social situations in his life and fake feelings of sympathy,calmness,relaxation and being at ease,when clearly he is not.I wish i can somehow learn to hide my stutter and social phobia,and be extremely relaxed around people ,,just like him.

But i really dont have the necessary social skills,,to fake the relaxed behaviour.I'm mostly nervous and short of words around people becuz of the stutter,,and have no idea how to behave in most situations i'm in.I know that if i have the confidence and courage to accept my stutter,i can realize my full potential and achieve all the things that i dream about like,,regular stuff that normal people take for granted..

I know its hard to fake confidence but with practice it can be certainly achieved,,not just in any tv show but in real life as well.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Lambi judai..!!

I was listening to a hindi song 'lambi judai'(long separation) from the movie ' jannat' recently,,and although i'v heard it many times before , a sad realisation came to my mind this time...it resembled much of my story,,in the sense that i'v been separated from my fluency for a long time.....

In fact in the second verse of the song ,,,every line has a hidden meaning for the things going on in my life,and tells perfectly the life story of the stutterer.Its a really sad story if u think about it,,,i'vv been separated from my fluency and without it i'm hopeless....i know im being a little too dramatic but every time i hear the song it sends shivers down my spine,,,all those bad memories of stuttering come to my mind,,,,and i begin to wonder what my life could have been if i had my fluency,,my ability to speak my own name,college's name,the place where i live,,,etc....

It seems like a fairy tale to me and when i come out of it ,,i realize that there's very little chance of all those things happening,,and i turn back to my real life,,,full of fear,,worry,,and sadness,,,

I wish god would show mercy.....

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Let the truth be told...

Another thing that i despise about stuttering is the social awkwardness that results from it.Let me share with you my case,i'm in college,a good looking strong looking young man,slightly geeky and shy.This is what people wud think of me when they first see me from a distance.but as soon as they have a slight talk with me ,they get to know that something is not right with this guy,they sense the awkwardness in my voice even if i manage to speak without stuttering.
This awkwardness that is in the air i think,is because of the lack of proper social kills that develop naturally in a normal person but stuttering severely impacts the self esteem and these may not be so developed in a stutterer.

Yesterday,a girl in my class (who i have a slight crush on but obviously i dont talk to her) asked me in a very cute manner "are you coming to the fresher's party on sunday?".I ,as usual responded with a little bit of a panic and stuttering and said i had to go somewhere on sunday so i could'nt make it any way.
God,i hate those times when i have to lie because of my stuttering,,i wonder sometimes how it would feel to just tell the truth.....i cant come to the party cuz i'm afraid people will talk to me and get to know i'm a stutterer (they already do) and judge me,,i dont talk to people(classmates, collegemates, nieghbours , relatives etc) not because i'm shy but i'm extremely nervous around them and cant speak the names of many of them,,i spend all my time indoors not cuz i'm studying,,but i dreaming of a normal life free from fear,,,,i dont go out to movies not cuz i dont like them but becuz i cant stand in the ticket counter line and i dont get much pocket money,,,i can go on and on and on and on about this ****.
i hate what this stuttering is doing to me and that i or nobody can do anything to help me to improve my life..i wish i could just tell people the truth and accept myself for who i am and not what society wants me to be,,i wish i could talk to the girl i like and make more friends ,,i wish i cud do so many things that the normal people take granted for....but i guess all this is just wishful thinking on my part,,,,the TRUTH is that i'm never going to be able to speak normally without blocking,,i'm going to find it extremely difficult to get a job even though i'm a good student,,i'm going to be in debt,,,and may never be able to come out of this vicious circle of stuttering,depression,social anxiety and what not....i'm stuck and always will be....
that ladies and gentlemen is the real truth,,,,i know its very pessimistic but these things that i'v said here,,i cant say to anybody anywhere,,its a releif to vent out my doubts and troubles....There is bhagvead gita quote about doubting i'd like to share..."Neither in this world nor in the world beyond,is happiness instore for him who doubts". Please lord give me some strength.......